What I Want
by cmaddict
Summary: What exactly do Megan and Don want, in the aftermath of Colby's betrayal?  Post Janus list.  Maybe a oneshot, maybe not.  Depends on reviews.


**A/N: So this is a little something I thought up after thinking more about "The Janus List." I think that we never really heard Megan's thoughts on everything that happened, and she and Don just make way too cute a couple.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh!**

Megan Reeves sighed and ran her hand through her auburn hair. This was not the kind of welcome-back she had expected. She shook her head as David stormed out of the interrogation room and Colby sank further into his chair. Colby. Her green eyes darkened at the thought of her so-called friend.

The now-familiar feelings of betrayal and confusion washed over her as she stared at the guilty look on his face. How could she have not known? How had she been so blind? She was a profiler, a psychologist. Trained in people-watching. Had Colby really been that good? Or did she let her friendship with him cloud her better judgment? She had refused to believe what they told her three weeks ago—that there was a spy in the FBI. She should have seen in coming.

Colby's handsome face was washed in regret for what he had done. Or maybe it was because he got caught. Megan didn't know. She really didn't care. Her friend was a traitor, trading government secrets to America's enemies. After all that talk about duty and honor. That was what really confused her. For God's sake, he was a former Army special ops soldier. He had nearly been killed for his country in Afghanistan. Megan had watched him risk his life thousands of times on their cases.

Hearing the door open behind her, she whipped around, startled. Don Eppes sighed and shut the door behind him. Megan gave him a small smile and turned around to watch Colby again. "Hey," she heard him whisper as he came up behind her. She sighed again and crossed her arms. "Are you okay?"

Megan bit her lip to keep from laughing sarcastically. Now was not the time for her wit. "Are any of us okay?"

Don scratched his dark hair. "Huh. I think that remains to be seen, doesn't it?"

She shot him a small grin. It was the first semi-real smile he'd seen from her in ages. Something had happened to her on the Justice Department assignment. He didn't know what, and frankly, he didn't really want to know. There were a lot of things he had come to know in the past twelve hours that he really didn't want to know. "Anything new on Benedict Arnold?"

Don winced at the hurt in her voice, hidden beneath her familiar sardonic tone. He shook his head. "Washington's going nuts trying to figure all this out. Dwayne Carter is going to jail for a long time. And you know that those prison guys just love traitors."

"And we're left holding the bag." She said it so simply it surprised even her.

"Perhaps." Don moved even closer to Megan and put his hands on her shoulders. He could feel the tension emanating from them. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Don." She said his name so softly he had to lean in to hear her. His grip on her shoulders tightened as they began to shake with her long-repressed emotion. "I _knew._ Somehow, I suspected…"

He swallowed, forcing back his own emotions welling up within his core. She shook even harder.

"I can't do this anymore. All the betrayal, all the guilt, all the pressure. It's… it's…"

"Hey, hey," he said soothingly, taking one hand off her shoulder to softly stroke a piece of her hair.

"I can't take it anymore, Don."

Don gently brushed her cheek with two of his fingers. "I know."

Megan glanced back at Colby, who had his head in his hands. She still couldn't believe that everything she had heard was true. "I have to get out of here."

"Wait, what?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I'm serious. I can't take it anymore." Megan grabbed the jacket on the back of one of the chairs. She brushed past Don and disappeared around the corner.

* * *

Colby glanced up, hearing the door to the interrogation room open. He returned his gaze to the table when he saw Don come through the door.

Don sat in the chair across from his former team member. Colby refused to meet his eyes, looking at the walls instead. The silence in the room was deafening. Finally Colby looked up at Don. "I've already told you everything I know."

"Somehow I doubt that," Don replied, anger welling up inside him.

"I was hired by the Chinese. I planted the bug in the house two years ago. I removed it when I went to visit her. What more do you want to know?"

"How about what possessed you to do something like that?" Don pushed back his chair, metal scraping across the floor. "How about why you would drag Megan into this?"

"Megan?" Colby's eyes narrowed. "I never wanted Megan to get involved."

"You almost got her killed!" He was yelling now. "Is that what you wanted?"

Colby clenched his teeth together and returned his gaze to the wall. "I… I never wanted to hurt her. Or anyone else."

"It's a little late for remorse, isn't it?" Don scoffed, pacing around the room. "You'll never have any idea what you did." He stopped and looked straight into Colby's eyes. "Do you even know what you want?"

He didn't answer. His gaze held Don's for what seemed like ages.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." Don crossed the room in a few short steps and paused, his hand on the door. "You know, maybe you should figure out what you do want. For all our sakes." With that, Don pushed open the door and disappeared around the corner, leaving Colby alone with his thoughts.

* * *

It took Don hours to track Megan down. When he found her, she was nursing a Merlot at a bar in Santa Barbara. The last time he had seen her looking so dejected, she had blamed herself for the death of another agent. This wasn't _his_ Megan. His beautiful, smart, funny Megan. The Megan he had come to know… and love.

He silently sat down on the barstool next to her. "Beer," he said to the bartender, who handed him a brown bottle.

They sat in companionable silence for several minutes. Somehow, just being in each other's presence helped them both cope. Megan lifted her glass to her lips and sighed softly. "Thanks," she said, taking a sip of her wine.

"For what?" Don asked.

"For being there." She turned her head to look at him. "I'm sorry I walked out on you today."

Don smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "It's okay, Megan. Really."

Megan set her glass down on the bar and stared at the neon sign behind the bartender. "I don't know how to cope with all of this." She smiled sadly. "Isn't that funny? All my behavioral training, and I have no idea how to handle this."

"None of us do," Don replied, taking a swig of his beer. "I mean, betrayal isn't exactly something we're used to, you know?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "I just don't… I don't know if I want this anymore." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his head turn to look at her. "With Larry being gone to that monastery, and Colby, and that DOJ assignment…"

"It hasn't exactly been easy on you, has it?"

She laughed and shook her head, tendrils of hair gracefully falling on her shoulders. "Not really."

Don hesitated, unsure if he should ask the question that was burning in his mind. "So, about that DOJ assignment…"

Megan shook her head. "I… I really can't right now, Don. It's not the right time."

"Okay, okay," he replied, putting his hands up in mock defense. He caught her eyes, allowing his brown ones to connect with her green ones. "When you're ready, I'm here."

The corners of her mouth slowly turned up. "I know," she whispered.

"So," Don said, taking another gulp of his beer. "You and Larry…"

"Are taking a break, apparently." Megan ran her finger along the edge of her wineglass. "He never really told me anything before he left."

Don stared at his friend. "You don't deserve that."

"Yeah, well. I needed some time. To figure out what I want."

"And what do you want?" The question came out before he could stop it. He could see her stiffen slightly, and he mentally kicked himself. "I'm sorry…"

"No," she said quickly, relaxing again. "It's okay." She stared thoughtfully into her glass, the red liquid trembling slightly with the rhythm of her drumming fingers. Finally she took a deep breath. "I don't know what I want," she replied. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Don glance away from her. "But," she said, gently touching his arm. "I know that, whatever it is, it'll most likely involve you and David and Charlie." Megan shot him a quick smile.

Don smiled and leaned toward her just a little. "You know what I want?" Megan raised her eyebrows slightly, but didn't answer. "I want to be there for you. I want to help you cope." He leaned closer and reached out to touch her hair. "I want you, Megan Reeves."

Her jaw dropped, stunned at his confession.

But Don didn't give her time to say a word. He closed the distance between them and gently touched his lips to hers.

Megan moaned against his mouth as he caressed her cheek with his fingers. Her mind screaming "no", she wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hands moved to hold her by the waist. When their oxygen supply was finally depleted, they broke apart, gasping for breath.

"And Larry?" Don asked, panting.

Megan shook her head and smiled. "He doesn't know what he wants."

Don raised an eyebrow. "What about you?"

She grinned and ran her fingers through his hair. "I think I do now."


End file.
